roll to resist

thad told me about the metal playlist he uses for his orc. got me thinkin. i made a playlist of my own: Soulfly, Puya and System of a Down. can u guess which race im ponderin, mon??

amor

Every day my heart breaks a little more. Things I see around me remind me of her. Her voice fills my dreams and I fear if I don't see her again soon, I will go crazy from despair. I usually don't divulge such personal memoires but this has anxiety has reached critical mass and I have no choice. Some of our most memorable moments together inspired tears of joy but now all I have are tears of sadness. My most beautiful Tianyi. What will I do without you.



Your beauty captivated me and left me breathless many times. I haven't dared admit this but you have the most beautiful polygons I've ever seen. In desperation now, I am no longer ashamed to admit this.



You inspired in me a hope and self confidence that I never had before. Even in the face of considerable odds, you stood fast and held your ground. This makes me want to be a better person.





Yes we had rough times. Even when we were with friends, things could go sour. Treachery arose once or twice but we learned from these times. They made us stronger. Gank happens. You taught me that.







We even traveled together. Saw the world. You always said you wanted to learn another language. We learned sign language to communicate with the locals. These are some of my dearest memories and it strickens me to mourn for them. We still have so much left to see in this world together. Tianyi, where are you now?



I fear it is best for both of us to move on with our lives. My world is changing around me and I know it is best for both of us if we live apart for a while.

Not dead yet

does anyone actually read this? if that ever were the case, i doubt they do anymore due to the sporadic content updates. still lookin for a job, still cleanin out the aptmt, still in transition. omg i discovered an area of the house with wireless web. really miss my superb friends and am struggling to do new and exciting activities with my old buddies. watching hurricane katrina and scifi channel (omg^2) pretty closely too. hopefully ill be a corporate peon before long. someone remind me to buy tix for apple cup and kmfdm, OK??? i cant forget.

suburbia

Im going crazy(er).

One week ago I moved in with my grandparents. It has been great spending time with them since I missed them and also want to improve my spanish with them. But it is different than the city. I kinda thought this would be the case. But now Im sure.

Hangin out with friends is fun. But we've done so much of this before. Video Games? Chattin'? Movies? I admit a lot of it is refreshing. Seeing people who I've been apart from for so long. But I just hope we can do more stuff. Cuz I get sick of the same ol same ol pretty fast. Especially when it was all I did, growin up here for 17 years.

So with neither a desk, a high speed connection, a DVD player, a car, deoderant (yum!), a job, a gf, nor school, this is getting pretty weird. The bus is gonna be my friend for awhile! Lets see what I can remedy, eh? In the meantime, my brains are oozing out my ears as I watch the fifth consecutive Laguna Beach. OMG Jason is such a player.

Someone call the exorcist. The veangeful spirit of suburban complacency is approaching! aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh aughhhh

---

P.S. If anyone does find that manual i was talkin about, ill pay top dollar. im not used to being so conflicted about another person. there is a limit to how much anxiety is healthy. call my cell ASAP when u find it.

This verdant sadness

Biting back the cold with fierce teeth
This blistering rage will not die
Time and space buckle under frozen legs
But life ebbs forward like desperation

The unspoiled sky crashes down like a perfect crescendo
This fallow world surges with anticipation
As the boy pushes blindly forth
Numb with perseverance

This benevolent charge spills forth
Feral tendrils of tantalizing banality
Shred trappings of doubt
To become silver shards of providence

The path becomes clearer
With every sanguine drop that mars this divine snow
Perception converges to a single thought
And the way out is through.

shift

do u know what a paradigm shift is? Wikipedia says ...

The term "paradigm shift" has found uses in other contexts, representing the notion of a major change in a certain thought-pattern — a radical change in personal beliefs, complex systems or organizations, replacing the former way of thinking or organizing with a radically different way of thinking or organizing.

Seattle-boy Andrew goes to Berkeley. Decides that this EE research thing is even more compelling than previously thought ... and is even given face time at the number one school in the nation. B+ boy is confused and starts to wonder what if ... what if he got a MSEE or a PhDEE from this school?? Thats a big step up for a boy who assumed he'd go to community college and thats it.

And now 4 years and 4 months later, lover boy wonders whats next for him. its not her fault and its not her fault either. will she miss him. What to do ... how to live ... who to see? where to go. Consider being home schooled for your life and then entering the public school system. diving into cold water head first.

apparently 3 and a half girls are pining after him too. or so the little strawberry tells him. confused yet? well thankfully none of them are local, that would be confusing!! wait ... wheres the manual ... damn.

Now he moves in with his grandparents. The ones that raised him con espanol y amor. quiet suburban life. near his high school friends. without a car or constant motivation. dreaming under the stars. the preternatural fog rises up from the tall grass in the dew-filled mornings. what will the boy become

vacation within a vacation

this morning I'm leaving for a trip to Wyoming with my uncle Jimmy and cousin Rachel. we'll be fishing, boating, and hiking (I think). we'll be back Sunday night. So uh if I dont respond to emails or whatever, thats why. my cell phone still gets reception though.

another week

Ive been discussing it with my family, and we thought it would be good for me to stay another week here in Colorado. 5 minutes ago I made the flight change, so its settled! Im comin back august 14th.

Colorado

On Saturday afternoon, I took a plane from Oakland California to Denver Colorado. I've been here since then and am planning to stay until next Sunday night. I'm staying with cousins Danny and Rachel as well as uncle Jimmy and aunt Jeanie. So far I've

-- Seen an outdoor movie at a gorgeous amphitheater
-- Driven a scenic drive between their house and Boulder (a college town)
-- Slept in
-- Played a lot of pool
-- Had a birthday party

Wow how could I want to leave? I'm havin fun and am considering staying for another week. I think that it might be better if I took some more time off before returning to my Seattle life.

Life will be so much different since Berkeley. I can't stop thinking of Alcatraz, the Golden Gate bridge and the view from Sausalito, San Francisco, after-dinner sports and staying up until 4AM. :(

Whoah ... a new blog??

Hey all.

I graduated. so heres the old blog: Andrew at UCB.

This is the next generation. Andrew 2.0? Andrew++? Andrew R2.0.1? Lets just see what kind of trouble I can get into for the rest of my summer. I'm still young enough to have fun, right?

There are about 7 weeks left before school resumes. Let the hijinks continue. Stay tuned for the abridged summary.